My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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