Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
