I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
