fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
