please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
