I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
