i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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