no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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