i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
