he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
