My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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