He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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