If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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