I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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