yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
