what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize