im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
