just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
