I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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