Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
