We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you didnt know i had herpes?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
