I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
