you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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