I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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