Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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