Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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