I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
