I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
