That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
We don't watch enough power rangers
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
