Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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