Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
