thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
i now understand why vodka
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
