I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
