I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
