idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
