The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Send help, water and tortillas.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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