i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
