I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
