I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
