Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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