I'm pants shitting drunk right now
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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