I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
