the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
where does the pee come out of this thing
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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