Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
