i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
