I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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