You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
