I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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