So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Two words: nipple clamps
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