besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I have fence marks all over my body
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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