At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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