make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
