i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
