Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
