oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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