his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
