Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
