Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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