is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
