im holly from the hills drunk
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
