that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Randomize
