i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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